Dedicated to: my friends, family, and you whom I have considered my partner in life and family.

Two and a half years later...

As far as this short story goes...

The young man who was going through an ordeal asked, "Where do I begin my search of happiness?" There was no chatter, dead silence indeed. None of his friends could tell him.

The young man was frustrated and lost his hope. And so he gave up the idea. But then he asked, "how about love?" There came a whisper, not from the people around him, but from somewhere remote, a word only that he could hear, "there."

"Where?" the young man asked, holding his breath and both of his hands together. He looked puzzled yet excited.

"Come closer and look," The young man was getting more confused. Believing he has become delusional or worst yet, insane, hearing something that no one could hear, he submerged his head under cold water, and when he was done clearing his thoughts, he looked himself into the mirror.

"There!" The whisper became louder, and the young man was stunned and finally understood what the whisper was trying to tell him.

All these years, he had been looking for happiness and love, and every time the moment he thought he had concluded the search, another journey began. He kept racing for them. He was always in pursuit of both, but never understood that they were always waiting for him to discover that they were there, residing inside him.

He was now enlightened and told his friends and family the good news, "I have found the key to my answer."

When people ask him where he found them, he was silent. Suddenly there was a smile on his face, and then he said, "It is here," pointing at each of them. Puzzled and frustrated, believing that the young man did not want to share his way of finding the most desirable thing on earth, they left him. As they walked farther and farther away, they stopped.

The young man stood there smiling, knowing that they too had found the key.

So where is this young man now and how is he doing? Knowing where happiness and love are, the young man is now living in felicity with the person he loves and cares for, the same person that has caused him to think that the world was shattered before him.

"Not that there had not been any excruciating pain and heartbreak caused by this woman he loves, not that there had not been any moment of despair and fear. Indeed there were but I survived them. I died a foolish heart and was now reborn," he said to the people who asked why he did not leave this woman and perhaps get back on those who stabbed him in the back.

He told them, "Was I devastated and hurt badly? Absolutely. Did I feel inadequate and depressed? Severely. But when I looked into the mirror, I realized that happiness and love have always been inseparable from me, and no one can take them away from me."

The people around him were astonished at how delusional this young man was, but he went on and said, "To me, to be happy is to be capable of loving myself and the people around me with all my heart and soul. This has always been enough."

And so he continued, "for me to live peacefully is to forgive. I pity those who have done me wrong because they would live in apprehension, fearing one day that someone would hurt them in the very same way that they have done unto others."

The people started nodding their heads, "to truly cherish what you have, you've to know the pain associated with losing them. I have gone through the ordeal and realized that I love this woman. She is also going through her own ordeal, resolving the lasting distasteful feeling of guilt and regret. But now we are both working on mending the broken pieces of our puzzle and rebuilding the foundation of trust from scratch," the young man said.

"Do you fear that one day you will be hurt again and that the next time you would be too devastated to move on anymore", a friend asked.

The young man smiled and answered, "I do not know whether my commitment to see this thing through with her will bear fruit, and I am not sure if she would hurt me again, despite reassuring me that it would never happen again. But I will not have any regret in hindsight. I will be surely devastated but I believe I can move on knowing that I have not wasted my life searching for something that is right in front of me."

He went on, "People always look for the best people they could be with and define their lives with how much they get out of each other. To me this is futile, and I believe it is what I am capable of giving the person I love that makes a life not becoming a complete waste. No one could tell me how to live a life yourself and to be happy, only myself." He stopped there and smiled to the people around him.

Reaffirmation: my love of being an analyst and my intermediate goal of being a portfolio manager.

Stressful as an analyst, but the devil is in the detail of ridiculously coinciding my role as an analyst with my MBA program. I'm recounting the time I spent with the people I love, not significant, unfortunately. I am measuring my success at the moment, of course, better than expected.

What do I desire? career milestones, accomplishments measured in nothing but monetary term or just living a simple life and doing what I love to do?

Foolishly, albeit recklessly true, I love what I am doing right now, but my accomplishment are nothing more than being measured by the track records I have, thus the money I make. There appears to have no contradiction and I am living a life I want to be. However, something may be missing, and I have no clue what it is...

 

By delivering upside surprise to the expectations of my friends, family, colleagues and people who barely know me, I receive my expected result - work-study for the next two years.

Summer is coming to an end, apart from work, study and hanging out with friends, there were not much to think about.

Now it's over, I contemplate the option of going home and beginning to work for my father as well as the option of staying here to kick start my own career. Given the current dire situation, I have given much thought about the first option, however, part of me wants to take a chance and make things happen.

The dilemma I have is between the state of homeless but independent, and the state of giving in but promised, I have not come to an conclusion. I guess if my OPT application goes well, I will stay here and let the chip fall as it may.

Personal life? I should just say I have my dignity untainted but something are gone.

......